Afraid of end of life talk?

I was visiting with a fellow death doula the other day and she told me her death plan. She wrote her obituary, she wants to be cremated, her ashes go to her favorite flower patch, and other things, if applicable in the future. Her face was serene while she told me all this, and I was all ears.

Both of my doula friend and I have been on the receiving end of someone near to us dying. We were left with decision making in crisis mode and left with the aftermath of grief. That stopped with us. We both believed there had to be a better way.

It became more evident to me that we can keep death at arm's length, but we can never evade it. So why are some of us all in with death talk and others would never dare?

It takes all kinds, I guess. But what else?

For the rest of you who are still young and healthy, what would it take to get you talking about death and dying?

I realize we are all "busy" with life these days. Work, home life, appointments, our cell phones, working out, and making that money.

Do you have your priorities straight?

Does our society have our priorities straight?

Many prioritize entertainment, "The American Dream, endlessly scrolling and losing sight of what is important. Numbness takes over and meaningful thoughts and conversations are non-existent.

If you would die in one month, would you have said all the things that need to be said? Have you lived a life you would be proud of?

What would others say about you at your funeral? Does your next of kin know your wishes, know where your passwords and titles are? And do your accounts have beneficiaries? Would your loved ones be overwhelmed with the decisions that have to be made? Do you want them to live their lives in peace knowing they carried out your wishes?

Often, loved ones left behind are not only left with the grief of losing someone but riddled with complicated grief because they don't know if they made the right decisions.

Even though these are not common kitchen table conversations, maybe they ought to be. It may seem awkward at first, but the act of thinking and talking about end of life can bring peace where there was once fear. Death tends to teach more about life than one could ever imagine.

There are no doubt many questions that could be asked about end of life, what happens to us, and how could we best be cared for. I suggest finding someone you vibe with to talk about these things. If you can think about death and plan ahead, you may find its easier to be present. And that my friends is a true gift.